The reality is, particularly when it comes to job search, the seeker is almost always going to contend with more “no,” than “yes.” If only every applicant could find their dream job on the first try! Heck, any job on the first shot! But the numbers just aren’t in our favor. So, it is a sad fact that we will experience a good deal of rejection in our lives. Sadder that some will experience more than others.
Not my intention to bum you out! But reality is sometimes a bitch!
Rejection is one kind of negative messaging we’re all familiar with to one degree or another. Some of it is harsher than others: How was the rejection delivered? Did you find out you didn’t get the gig accidentally? Was the rejection expected? Were you passed over for a less-experienced candidate? Was the person who got the gig gloating in your face? All pretty harsh. You really, really, really wanted that job!
Sometimes it is our own fault: The interview wasn’t as strong as it could have been. Something you said was misconstrued or didn’t come out the way you intended, or you didn’t provide the substantiation of your qualifications to the interviewer’s satisfaction. There was some unintended nervous fidgeting. You didn’t turn your cellphone off for the interview. Or, maybe you weren’t qualified?
You got a “no.” Time to move forward. While doing so, try to understand and learn from whatever the reasons for the rejection. It may take a little digging to determine the real reason behind the rejection, but it is usually worth the effort. Don’t waste time wallowing in self-pity, no matter how important that target job was. There are other desirable goals to aim for. Pick your next target, dust yourself off and get back out there.
There’s another kind of negative messaging that we get, and often it is from those we know and love. “Why didn’t you get the job?” “Maybe what you’re going after isn’t the right fit for you.” Comments like these and worse can come from all sides, and while they may be well-intended, they can often feel like a knife cutting your skin. Others’ reactions to your miscalculations and rejection can leave you feeling worse than the rejection by itself.
Sometimes the comments we receive come from a cultural perspective and attitude that doesn’t come across as supportive. For example, the hardcore sarcasm of devout east-coasters, particularly New Yorkers, can too often be perceived as negative because of the passive-aggressive attitude with which the comments are delivered. Of course, if you’re from that part of the country and are used to such responses, the sting may be less than it would be for someone unaccustomed to those kinds of comments.
When you hear things that don’t sit well after you’ve experienced a setback, it is usually best to ignore the comments and move on. Engaging with the commentor argumentatively and/or defensively only drags out the experience, when it is better to just let it roll off your back. This is particularly important during an interview where it is quite possible your inquisitor wants to create a stressful environment and might say something irritating to see how you’ll respond. If you can “read” the other person, don’t take the bait. Antagonistic comments considered humorous by the interviewer can also produce stress, and again, try not to take the bait, smile politely and maintain your composure.
Ultimately, how we choose to deal with negative messaging and rejection comes down to our ability to get past the situation. We can sit and wallow in it, or we can try to learn from the experience and grow from it. Yes, negativity aimed at us can sting and cause emotional downward spirals. So, when it happens (and it will happen!) do something to distract your mind. Engage in an activity that makes you happy or feel better about yourself and your world. Listen to music, watch episodes of favorite old sit-coms, go see some stand-up comedy, meditate. Just remember to not make these reprieves from the negativity an on-going distraction that keeps you from refocusing your efforts to get that next job. Stay positive and keep moving forward!
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