As I’ve mentioned here before, I frequently get around via public transportation. This past weekend was no different. Heading out to see some free, live music, my sojourn required two busses to my destination and two for the return. The ride to my destination is usually the better timed. On this return trip, however, the wait for my second bus was close to 30 minutes. The first bus of my return trip arrived at the transfer point (a major transportation hub) just late enough for me to miss my connection. It happens! I took a deep breath acknowledging the delay and patiently waited.
A common occurrence while waiting for a bus, someone will ask me, “is this the right spot for the bus?” Or, “Does the # 230 bus stop here?” The signage indicating which busses stop where isn’t enough of a clue where to wait, as they are often inaccurate. But I’m a friendly guy, also waiting, and will usually answer a fellow traveler’s questions, if I can. Certainly, with as much travel to unfamiliar places as I’ve done, I know the importance of being able to ask another commuter a clarifying question, and that taking a moment to answer can improve their day.
Travel on public transportation, familiar and not, sometimes brings out the need for a little validation. Even with GPS at one’s disposal, a stranger asking if they are in the right place for their next conveyance is in need of a little boost of confidence and reassurance. Something that’s easy to provide if you’re knowledgeable enough to supply the information they seek. It’s also good travel karma.
A few minutes into my wait, another traveler moving about near me kept looking back and forth between his phone & signs over my head indicating which busses stopped right there. Finally, he asked if this was where his bus stopped, and I told him yes. I added that his next bus would be along in about 10 minutes. He seemed pleased, then started to walk away.
(Let me insert here that I know not all transit hubs are pleasant places to wait for any length of time. Many are unattractive, dimly lit, and frequented by a variety of sketchy people who will make you think twice about being friendly and helpful.)
Not long after the gentleman’s inquiry regarding his next bus, he slowly and tentatively made his way back over to me. This put me in “cautious observation mode”, albeit that my surroundings hadn’t changed – it was still broad daylight and a few folks were milling about. But I could sense something was “off” with the guy. Wanting to minimize any potential to be a target of any kind, I discretely eyed him up and down with the hope that he wasn’t planning something nefarious.
I thought we were done conversing after his bus question. He shyly and softly asked if we could talk for a few minutes. Observing a large crucifix and rosary beads around his neck on the outside of his shirt, my first thought was that he wanted to proselytize the gospel. Politely I replied that we could talk for a few minutes provided he didn’t want to talk about his religion.
He waved off the idea that he wanted to talk religion and said he was just looking for someone to talk to. He just wanted to have a conversation.
I asked what he wanted to talk about. He said he was feeling down because the world wasn’t treating him fairly, that he couldn’t find work. He felt he was failing his family, and that the world and life were really hard for him right now. Heavy stuff from a total stranger with only a few minutes to pass the time! I wondered when he was going to ask me for money. Thankfully, he did not. Too many “panhandlers” get indignant, curse you out, or worse, when you decline their requests for cash help. I was pleased that scenario didn’t play out.
Without provocation or direct inquiry about his plight, the guy (he never told me his name!) explained that he had been abandoned by his mother when he was a young teenager, right after he came to the U.S. from Argentina, and he had been on his own ever since. I listened to him as he expressed his fears and sadness about the state of world, his difficulty in finding work and staying resilient, and saw the tears welling up in his eyes.
Feeling caught off guard by his story, I continued to listen. His sadness, anxiety, frustration and disappointment were all visible on his face. He told me he liked to work in the construction trades and had experience in carpentry on large projects, but that he’d had no luck finding work lately.
“It is so hard for me. How can I survive?” he asked, holding back tears.
It took me a beat to compose my thoughts. I wanted to offer this guy something meaningful and hopeful in the few minutes remaining before his bus arrived. Wanting to avoid sounding preachy, I asked him if he was registered at the Mission Hiring Hall where construction and related jobs are frequently posted. I also asked if he had been to the Employment Development Department (EDD), where he could get assistance with resumes and job leads. He said he didn’t know about either but would go to both on the next business day.
He seemed a little encouraged at hearing these questions and suggestions, realizing that he did have options and there were places he could go to get help. Maybe not all the help he needs, but it is certainly a start.
But his sadness returned to his face as he asked, “How do I get through the day with all this weight on my shoulders?
With a gentle smile on my face, I replied, “If you want to survive, put one foot in front of the other and move forward toward your goal, whatever that is. Start small and slow. One little success will lead to another as long as you continue to make positive movements toward your goal. Look for strength from the people you love and who love you. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Doing so doesn’t make you weak; it makes you smart for recognizing that you do need the help.”
The last thing I told him as his bus entered the station, because of the obvious crucifix and rosary beads around his next, I suggested that he might find strength in his faith and to add prayer to efforts.
The bus pulled up, opened its doors and the guy gave me a fist bump and said, “thanks,” before turning away and boarding.
The moral: Be kind, be patient, be open, be helpful. The world is not always pleasant to too many people out there, and a soft, kind, encouraging word from you can make all the difference in their day. And, maybe in their life!
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